WHAT ABOUT CONSEQUENCES? PART 1 - LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
Consequences should be appropriate and acceptable. Younger children need more limited choices. Logical consequences help kids learn for the future instead of pay for the past. Learn from mistakes, and learn that is ok to be accountable.
1) Consequences should not be poorly disguised punishments., they should focus on the future, not the past.
2) Try to focus on problem-solving and solutions, instead of consequences. Get kids involved in solutions, they will experience belonging and significance. Focusing on solutions invites cooperation, addresses the problem directly, and includes plans for preventing its recurrence.
3) Is the consequences related (to the behaviour), respectful (no blame, shame or pain), reasonable (from child’s POV as well as adult’s) and helpful (3R’s and an H?)?
4) Do not use consequences that lead to resentment, revenge, rebellion, or retreat (sneakiness or self-blame). Does the consequence allow for differences in temperament, does it encourage the child to gain confidence, and develop healthy self-esteem? Does it teach life skills for now and for the future?
5) Suffering if not a necessary characteristic of a logical consequence.
6) Exploring the consequences with your child, as opposed to imposing them, is always the better route.
7) If properly used logical consequences can be effective and encouraging.
8) Logical consequences by another name could be other Positive Discipline parenting tools - like: decide what you will do, don’t say a word and act, follow through, use mistakes as an opportunity to learn, let go, allow children to experience consequences.
9) Alternatives to consequences would include: family meetings, creating routines, offering limited choices, asking for help, dealing with the belief behind the behaviour, deciding what you will do instead of what you will make your child do, following through with dignity and respect.
10)Consequences should be discussed in advance. Plan ahead.
11) Opportunity=responsibility=consequence.
12) Show empathy.
13) Often the fewer words spoken, the better.
