DECIDE WHAT YOU WILL DO

Decide what you will do, instead of trying to control others - this is a good idea - just in general. You can only change or control your behaviour, not those of others.

Make sure you have your child’s attention - make sure you are in the same room, face to face with eye contact, nothing in the child’s hand, electronics off - and say things once and clearly. If the child needs to - it is a good idea to repeat the instruction to make sure it is fully heard and understood.

Then - act, don’t talk - follow through on what you decided.

Dont’ say things you don’t mean, or won’t follow through on.

Keep the message streamlined, simple and short.

If possible, say it with a word. ‘Bedtime’.

Four steps for effective follow through: have a friendly discussion in which everyone get to voice their feelings and thoughts if possible the child should be involved in developing a plan and solution. Brainstorm together and as much as possible decide on a follow through that works for both of you. Agree to s specific deadline. Understand that especially at the beginning it won’t be easy!

Don’t expect kids to have the same priorities as adults.

Don’t get into judgements and criticisms - stick to the plan for follow through. Ignore other concerns that arise.

Make sure the agreement, in advance is as specific as possible.

Maintain dignity for yourself and your child.

In response to objections ask - ‘what did we agree’?

Use nonverbal cues as a reminder, or ‘say it with a word’.

When the child concedes, say ‘thank you for keeping our agreement’.

If helpful, try a visual schedule as a reminder.

Kids have their own priorities, but still need to follow through with the priorities of other adults, and their parents.

Following through helps parents be proactive and throughtful.

Follow through is an excellent alternative to authoritarian methods or permissiveness.