SIBLING RIVALRY 1 - PUTTING KIDS IN THE SAME BOAT

Remind yourself that each of your kids, at some point in their lives, will be your biggest preoccupation! No child is THE angel, and similarly no child is THE DEVIL. When you choose sides you train ‘victims and bullies’.

This helps us to know that our ‘kids’ should all be PUT IN THE SAME BOAT!

Instead of you trying to figure out who is fighting, who is to blame, who’s turn it is, or who started it - ‘tie them all together’ and encourage them work together to get to a common goal.

1) ‘Let the Kids Figure It Out’ - help your kids to learn conflict resolution skills. The younger they are, the more help they need to come up with ideas of how to take turns, or share - but as they get older they will take the skills you have helped them to develop and surprise you! Early on - get them to draw out their ideas, and then come back and get you to help them to establish a plan.

2) Use family meetings as a way of talking about how kids can work together to reach a common goal, and develop age-appropriate ways of working it out. A family meeting is a great time for an older child, or a younger child to ask for help to bridge the developmental gap in brainstorming and problem-solving.

3) After a cooling-off period, use curiosity questions (what, why or how) to help kids explore what happened (toy on a high shelf), how they feel about it, what they learned from the experience, and how they can solve the problem now - and going forward.

4) There are some great co-operative games you can play with your kids that help get the idea of ‘being in the same boat’ a different kind of air time!

5) As kids get older, suggest siblings check with each other about social, or other problem solving. How to deal with a particular teacher, what’s best to deal with a particular issue on the playground - they may have ideas you don’t, and having that bond will last a lifetime!