WAYS TO ENCOURAGE, NOT DISCOURAGE - TEENS

1) “I would like to share my concerns with you about….homework, screen use, household chores” - pick one. “What’s your view of what is going on?”. “ Could we brainstorm some possible solutions together?”(Curiosity Questions)

2) “I can see you feel badly about….” - doing poorly on a test, not making the team. “Would you like to make a plan so that is unlikely to happen again? I can help with that, I have every confidence that you can succeed if we put a plan in place.”(Show Faith)

3) “I’m not prepared to talk to your teacher to get you off the hook. We agreed to…..I think it is best if you talk to her yourself, but I am happy to help you prepare for that conversation, and to help you to make a plan to make amends.”(Decide what you will do and inform in advance)

4) “I would like to hear what this means for you, your point of view”.(Listen)

5) “I am happy to make myself available to help you with your essay any evening this week before 930pm. I am not going to be available for editing or other help the night before it is due, or after 930pm.”(Decide what you will do, and follow through)

6) “I would like to see you go onto university, but I am not sure that is what you want to do. I am happy to talk to you at any point about what happens next”. (Share what you want and listen)

7) “I am too upset to talk about this at this point. Let’s put it on the family agenda for the weekend”(Share your feelings, model a positive time-out, and family meeting agenda)

8) “Could we sit down and see if we can work out a plan for….., that we can both (all) agree with?” (Joint problem-solving)