SCHEDULE SPECIAL TIME

Relationship is the bedrock of all parenting methods. You need love and connection to build trust and closeness. Scheduling ‘special’ time is a way of connecting with our kids.

Thinking of connecting with our child helps us to stay away from punishment, blaming or shaming. The latter tools create a profound sense of isolation, and eventually despair.

Spending special time, that is preferably scheduled, allows children to know that no matter what, there will be time to connect. No matter how busy you are at work, or with other kids or commitments, you will have time to be with that particular child, and get into their particular world.

Despite access to screens 24 hours/day - I still think the most powerful moment for a child is to access an adult’s attention - particularly their parent’s attention.

For special time to be special you need to:

1) unplug, COMPLETELY

2) make it short, short enough that you don’t feel any pressure about ‘taking all the time you need” to be in that special time- it should feel like a gift, not a burden to you(even 10 minutes makes a big difference)

3) if you need to leave the house - go to the park, grab an ice cream - to get the special time - do that

4) schedule it, and in an age appropriate way - visual schedule or otherwise, remind that child about it, until they remind you - plan it in advance and make it expected

5) Let the child choose the activity, or suggest something you know that child will enjoy.

Special time builds positive memories, and a sense that that child can rely on you to be connected to them, no matter what. It works well to encourage an older child with lots of young siblings, a middle child who feels they are ‘nothing special’, the sibling of a child with special needs who is often not the focus of family attention/resources, the youngest who feels passed over….really a good idea for any child.

Special time helps parents connect with each child and know them and their thoughts, feelings and imagination.