SIBLING RIVALRY 2

Some sibling conflict is to be expected, and healthy.

Sibling conflict can teach valuable life skills, like problem-solving, when to walk away, when to take time to cool off, when to stand up for yourself, and when to ask for help.

It also can teach that more than one point of view is valid, that solutions can be found that work for more than one person, and that mistakes can be fixed.

Parents need to develop skills to minimize competition: celebrate achievements that are age-appropriate instead of rewarding, use encouragement instead of praise, avoid seeing one child as ‘an angel, and one ‘as a devil’.

Make sure your kids know you have enough love for everyone. Healthy relationships mean there is more love, not less.

Try to stay out of the fight, but do help with problem-solving if age-appropriate. Help each of your children bring forward their strengths and minimize their weaknesses in the ‘negotiations’.

You may need, at different times, over months or years - to spend special time with each child.

Help your children to use the sibling conflict to learn how to deal with interpersonal conflicts later in life.